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Friday, August 26th, 2005
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11:01 pm
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ZombieJesus7: i cant imagine u with facial hair
ZombieJesus7: it makes my brain shit relish into my eyes
ZombieJesus7: ah ha ha ha what a funny thing to say, ill use it more often
ISupersonic ManI: haha, i can't imagine myself without it, there was a one month window when i had nothing, but i need my goatee
ZombieJesus7: without my goatee
ZombieJesus7: my head becomes round
ZombieJesus7: and tomatoish
ZombieJesus7: i hate it
ZombieJesus7: yet with a lush chin of flowing locks
ZombieJesus7: im the shit and a pair of binoculars
ZombieJesus7: OH GOD THERE IS FAT IN THIS!
ZombieJesus7: IN MY HOT POCKET!! A CHEWY, GREASY, PIECE OF FAT!!!!
ZombieJesus7: ...mmm
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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2:28 pm - my affair with Wendy
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Do you have the need to eat three hamburgers but don't have the time for all that bread and shit. THE WENDY'S CLASSIC TRIPLE WITH CHEESE! Three hamburgers two slices of cheese and some salad crap. "It'll fuckin kill you"
current mood:  full
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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9:22 am - and cheeseface was his name-o
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shits and sandwiches son its almost time to go back to college! O man i can't wait, college this year is gonna be so fun. I'm rooming with the ever tidy Travis, the demonic force of evil and smoking that is metal kyle, and my messy ass self. I smell a sitcom... Also i'll be able to hang out with all my ol college buddies. Jaime, The Drew and Jill Experience, Troy, Jeff, the turkey, and the fox-on-dutches. So much playing of nintendo and drinking of seltzer will be had. Fuck it! I aint bringin no pants!
current mood:  bouncy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 5th, 2005
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6:03 pm - a letter to a friend
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Dear squish face,
No I can't say I have ever been to Nevada but I did once meet Henry Kissinger in a laundromat. He was sitting on top of the dryer drinking a fruit2O and shouting something about foreign policy. After about thirty minutes and three sets of whites said "Bitch please, " and the two of us went out for beer and pizza. At some point or another the poor sod passed out in my basement wearing nothing but an undershirt and some womens understuff to cover his naughty bits. Having not the muscle capacity to heft his girth upstairs i had no choice but to bring him down a pillow and blanket "Sweet, sweet Kissinger" quoth i, running sad fingers through his now graying hair "You sleep like an angel" I watched him all night, and fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the most beautiful sunrise i had ever seen. It was warm and new like a babe fresh from the womb. and as i looked down from my stool upon Kissinger it filled me with something similar to joy. In the morning i arose to find my flat quite empty. My kitchen was however quite a mess, and the coffee pot, recently used, was left in the sink scorched and unwashed. On the counter there was a note that read "Sorry bout the mess, service to your country and all that, vote tricky Dick" and unerneath there lay 500$ in british pounds and candy corn. That was the last i saw or heard of Henry Kissinger, but he will live in my heart... always.
Why do you ask by the way... about Nevada?
current mood:  complacent
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 2nd, 2005
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12:59 pm - Chocolate fribble, i love you ::smooches::
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I'm back from my week long (ish) vacation at brandon and tree's house. It was pretty awesome. We played katamari damacy (a video game in which the king of the cosmos got drunk and destroyed all the stars in the solar system and you, his son and the prince, must roll up objects such as people cats thumbtacks firehydrants and used condoms to turn into a great big ball which when tossed into the atmosphere by the king of cosmos will implode and create a star) and watched movies such as teen wolf.
Also we went to this Chineese food/ Sushi place and had a quite excellent meal. All except for the part in which i finished my soda then decided to bite a small black thing on the orange beef which turned out to be an extroardinatily hot pepper. My mouth emergency did not, however, end in heartache as i drank Brandon's water.
MMMMMM friendly's
current mood: content
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 25th, 2005
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3:36 pm - isn't a double quarter punder just a... ah fuck it
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while sitting in the McDonalds parking lot, eating a sandwich and listening to "She Drives Me Crazy" by the Fine Young Cannibals i saw a tiny bird land on a bench next to a portly, lunching fellow. This smallish ornithope grabbed his entire big mac and flew off. It was quite an impressive spectacle. And all i could do was sip my soda and watch the irate man curse and jiggle.
What if Godzilla fought jesus?
huh!?
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 22nd, 2005
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11:27 am - Melon?...Anybody?
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Everybody who hasn't gone to my space and seen my good friend Randolph Flegmann now is the time. Contrariwise if you have you should do back and read the blog about his awesome day with Tony the Tiger and a crack dealer. That's about all i have to say at this point.
Who wants to get naked and rubbed with a melon?
Morgan
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 19th, 2005
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10:42 am
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Why is Super R-Type 3 so ludicrously impossible. I finally beat what i assumed to be the last boss (as it goes through five increasing stages of ridiculousness) only to find a new tougher level! Why does this game constantly have to shit in my mediteranean life salad! FUCK YOU SPACE ALIENS!!! ok....ok, I'm good.
ZombieJesus7: ahhhhh! miss piggy as a baby
ZombieJesus7: goddamn igot a hankering for mozerella sticks
oftheNIGHTKIND: haha
oftheNIGHTKIND: mr bungle
ZombieJesus7: yes repossessed is on!
oftheNIGHTKIND: fuck, that movie rocks
ZombieJesus7: it does indeed my friend
ZombieJesus7: it rocks my genitals into a state of toasted coconut fantastic i can only describe as orange
ZombieJesus7: sometimes i like to hold my cat over the edge of the counter and scream "YOU HAD IT COMING!! YOU HAD IT COMING!!"
oftheNIGHTKIND: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, July 17th, 2005
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10:43 am - His name is Herman Munster, and he came to party!
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Today as i walked a ridiculous feat of 10 miles or something in the sweltering heat ( just cause i could ) I began to take on a level of insanity only seen by ex-sitcom stars and people who like nutella. At one point i leapt off the road into the foliage after a butterfly, which turned out to be a doritos wrapper in a pricker bush. !!!! On my way home a nice gentleman pulled his car over and rolled down his window. Smiling i ran over to the free ride, and gazed kindly to the little japaneese man driving.
"Hey!" he said. "You no David.!"
I felt my heart sink.
"You no David! You get outta here"
As the man drove away I found myself laughing hysterically.
O Man such good and exciting times are soon to be had by our friendly neighborhood Morgan. First I'm going to Brandon and Tree's house for like a week where we will stay up late drinking tea and giving each other paper cuts. Also I will see my ol buddy Jaime on the way for a reminiscent Taco Bell jaunt, maybe ill even poke a kitty! Soon thereafter destiny beckons me to Virginia where my good friend Brian has invited me to play harptag on his upcoming CD and otherwise hangout with him. Such cheeky goodness! DARE I BECOME A ROCK GOD OF JAW HARP!!! TAKING BEERS IN TWOS AND WOMEN IN THREES AS I SPREAD MY SWEET SONG LIKE BUTTER ALONG THE ASS CRACK OF AMERICA!!!!
Also i found a bit of string in my sock drawer which i fully plan on batting across the floor soon.
EXCITING STUFF FOLKS!
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 15th, 2005
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3:56 pm
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It was a lazy day for the most part. The Golden Voyage of Sinbad was on, and crinly old man penis hotdogs were in the fridge for lunch. About three i decided to put on my blazer and greem hat, take a stroll down to the river, and play a little ditty on my harp tag. It went something... like this.
Hey pretty mamma
come sit down right here and I'll buy you a cappucinno... or a biscuit
just hop up on my lap and let me stroke your
mustache
(harp tag solo)
the nights gettin cold
the nights gettin lonely
I'm gettin old
Your gettin homely
Oh Bitch got a mustache
but i love her anyway
baby you one Tom Sellek lookin motherfucker
But I'd fuck you anyday
(More Harp Tagging, much women showing their boobies)
Oh i like your eyes
and I like your dress
But to my surprise
I like your lips the best
Hey, Bitch got a mustache
but I love her anyway
Honey you look like Satan's armpit
But I don't care what they say
(More sexy riffs on my jaw harp, bra's flying on stage, young teenage girls asking to have my baby)
Bitch got a mustache
Hey, Bitch got a mustache
That Bitch got a mustache
Wow Bitch got a mustache
My Bitch got a mustache
But i love heeeer
anywayyyyyyyyyy
yah!
"Bitch got a mustache (but i love her anyway)" By Morgan "the Great" performing nightly at that river near his house.
current mood: chipper
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 12th, 2005
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5:45 pm - People against manatees, cause they're ugly
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the snorkel and the straw share the same fundamental construction, yet they are, in reguards to use, polar opposites. One might refer to the straw as the dark side, or at least the bendy side. Think about it.
current mood:  contemplative
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(comment on this)
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2:02 am - Brandon and Morgan, Dont poke My Organs, We're like a team ::singing::
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ZombieJesus7: i want to send my docotr a mayonaise jar full of pee
ZombieJesus7: for christmas
ZombieJesus7: and a big smile card
ZombieJesus7: doctors like pee
ZombieJesus7: i know it to be so
Sexxfarmwoman: I love you.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, July 11th, 2005
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6:46 pm - Saturday nights, alright for fighting Saturday nights all right
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I just got back from a pretty sweet weekend hanging out with Drew, who consequently i the plump batman of the modern world. As planned I blew pretty much my entire paycheck on random awesome stuff. Two seasons of "Home Movies" The Toxic Avenger boxed set, the Ed Wood collection (YES!) Street Fighter II the movie (which means i have the game, the movie based on the game, and the game based on the movie based on the game) A bunch of comics and several random alien things including a plush toy and a soap dispenser. We also went to see fantastic four which was pretty cool. There's no real way for people to make movies about comics without somewhat disappointing me (Unless it's Judge Dredd Vs. Aliens THINK ABOUT IT FOX!)but it was still fairly okay in a moderate sort of middle ground mediocre common place better than averageness.
I went to the doctors today to get my TB Skin Test thing before school starts. Cheshire Medical Center is possibly one of the best hospitals i've ever been to. It's clean, and down right futuristic (backwards elevators OOO) I felt like i was i frikkin GATTACA at points.
The most amusing part of the trip, besides ,me asking "I gotta pee, do you need me to fill anything up?" was probably when the nurse was explaining to me that "if she did it right" i would get a large pustule not unlike a mosquito bite that god result in redness or bruising. I asked her what would happen if she fucked up and she comforted me by saying that she wouldn't. Needless to say i wasn't comforted. Long story short, I've got a bump. I don't really mind doctors offices, but they can certainly make a guy feel uncomfortable. It might be just the looks i get, I mean ever since i ran my fingers through that guys hair as he checked my testicles for irregularities.
"How you doin?"
current mood: content
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| Thursday, July 7th, 2005
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2:22 pm - The Ongoing Chronicles of Morgan "the Great" Chapter 4
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Fear not friends, and lowly worshipers; fear not fellow lords and ancillary ball washers I have returned from Pelham, NH, and I brought chairs. As always the events described are in no way exaggerated or false. This shit actually happens.
I drove up to college Monday afternoon to meet my dear friend Drew, from there the plan was to make a quick jaunt down to Brandon's house to attend his wedding. What was to follow however, was a bit of an adventure.
I met drew on familiar ground and greeted him accordingly, sharing stories of the summer's exploits and comics about man-eating cows. It wasn't long before we were on the road again, mapquest directions in one hand and a steering wheel in the other.
We hadn't even gotten to the highway yet when I spotted a a table and chair set along the road, next to big sign that said "FREE". After this fact sunk into my brain (quite a distance away i assure you) i pulled the car over sharply, sending honking cars careening around me. "That was a free table!" i exclaimed.
I got out of the car and ran (for the first time in a number of years) towards the display of (i shit you not) Yugoslavian furniure. We were able to fit two chairs (upon some finagling) into the car, and I wanted to put the "FREE" sign on somebody's car and watch the hilarity that ensued, but time was running out like a transvestite on their honeymoon.
The exit off the highway turned out to be 2 and not 47 as the directions stated, it confused us a bit, yet as capable navigators we were sure we would be able to sort things out.
Three hours later we were horribly lost. Having driven across the Mass. border at three different places we were at this point going down every single side-street marking them off on the map, understanding that there could only be so many, and we were damn close.
After another half an hour we got lunch at Wendy's
"This isn't bad.."
"Yah, frosties" SLURP
It was now 2:45 and the wedding was at three. Drew examined the map closely, and gaged the distance against the scale with his thumb. "We're like a mile away he said. We just have to find the right-" At this moment the wind picks up and the last page of our directions, along with the map page, are blown out the window onto route 38. We both laugh uproariously.
After asking for directions three times, and at one point planning to hike 3 miles through the woods, we eventually turn up at Brandon's house around 3:25, having just missed the ceremony. Drew us a bit dispapointed at first, but soon shares in my amusement at the whole situation.
I give Brandon and Tree my wedding presant (a 20 pound bag of potatoes and a hand drawn card) and engage the rest of the group. Many collegians attend: Metal kyle,Travis and Co., Max and Jeff. We have a great time dicking around for the next two hours and then the guests begin to depart. Hugs are given, and promises of visits to come. Me and Drew get in the car once again.
Having no real directions to work off Drew tells me to just go wherever I want and promptly nods off. I make turns randomly, searching for some sign of highway 93. Eventually I have no idea where I am and Drew gets up. "We're in Londonderry!" he exclaims. The trip back to college takes 20 minutes in total, weighed against the 3 and a half down there.
"What a crazy day..." i think to myself. "It's always an adventure riding with my friends. Going to new places, and seeing new things."
Suddenly I pull the car over, I make a left turn onto a one way street.
"Where are you going?" asks Drew.
"Let's find the Taco Bell."
current mood: cheerful
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| Sunday, July 3rd, 2005
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8:08 pm - The Ongoing Chronicles of Morgan "the Great" Chapter 3
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the following events are entirely truthful and in no way exaggerated... just ask drew.
It was Sunday, July 3 2005, and the following day was a very important joining of my two best frieds. Tree and Brandon Fox-on-Dutch were to be wed, and i was to travel to there house with my good pal Drew. Having recieced a message that Drew had called my house, i dialed up his number and waited for a ring.
"Hello" Says a voice on the other line.
"Hey, Buddy," I say. "What's up?"
"Who is this?"
"It's me Morgan."
"Hello!"
"DREW" I say louder. Obviously the connection is bad.
"Who is this?"
"It's me Morgan."
"Who is this?"
"MORGAN"
"Morgan... I don't know any Morgan."
"You son of a bitch..." I say laughing, that Drew, such a joker
"Who are you trying to reach?"
"DREW MARSHAL"
"O he's here..."
"You're not Drew...?"
"No," says the man coldly. "And you just called me a son of a bitch"
"....."
"I'll go get him."
"...!!!!"
It turns out that was my expository, introductory, and otherwise impression making conversation with Drew's father,
current mood:  embarrassed
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| Monday, June 27th, 2005
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9:17 pm - The Ongoing Chronicles of Morgan "the Great" Chapter 2
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the events described below have been in no way made up or exaggerated, this shit just happens. - Morgan
~~ To say that June the 27th was a hot day in Hinsdale, New Hampshire would have been a grave understatement. Children were forced to play indoors or underwater, and the elderly were dropping like flies that coincidentally smelled like old people. I was working at the local Fireworks Store, Phantom Fireworks, carrying assorted boxes, ringing register, and doing handy jobs any where I could. It had been about a month since i quit working at Price Chopper (a local grocery store run by a tyrannical hate monger with nine year menstrual cycle) and i must say i was enjoying myself.
The day was going by pretty slow and i decided to take my break around 11:30. Sheila reminded me that i didn't have to clock out if i wasn't going to take more than half an hour. I clocked out.
I wound up at a McDonalds ordering a #7. Ten chicken nuggets, fries, and a coke. I wanted an ice creamy treat as well but when prompted could not remember the correct fast food terminology for the particular establishment. (McFlurry) The young woman cashing me out was actually quite attractive for a grease slathered burger baron, and the heat had necessitated an extra debuttoning of her shirt/collar/thingy. I smiled politely and took my bag of various food stuffs to a remote corner of the building. (At this point i should mention that i always ask for food to go and then eat it there, thereby giving me the option of leaving abruptly in case of an earthquake or land whale)
After eating several spongey chicken bites I heard a horrible scratchy voice call out to me.
"DO YOU WANT THE PAPER"
It was an old woman, probably in her 80s. The black frames of her glasses melted somewhere into her wrinkles as she smiled at me.
"no, thank you," i replied.
"WHAT ARE YOU EATING?" she hollers back, obviosly very, very deaf.
The conversation continues several minutes before she asks me for a ride downtown. The whole restaurant (the term used loosely) begins to chuckle to themselves, seeing that i have once again gotten myself into quite the moral peccadillo.
"Sure." i say.
"O GOOD," she says. "THROW THIS STUFF OUT WOULDJA." and she gestures to her food tray. It contains a hamburger wrapper and a half drunk cup of water with lemon. I know this because she would tell me later, on several occasions. "GET THE PAPER TOO," she says. "WE'RE GIVING IT TO LINDSEY"
I throw out her garbage and return to catch her eating my fries, very slowly, and one at a time.
"You can have those," i say half heartedly. "I wasn't hungry."
We walk towards the door and she stops at the front desk/ordering station.
"GIVE THIS TO LINDSEY" she says.
the poor, yet busty, girl looks at me quite confused.
"LINDSEY," she says. "THE BIG GUY, LINDSEY!"
With no other option the girl takes the newspaper and puts it aside, knowing full well that is no Lindsey.
"AND GIVE ME A BAG FOR MY FRIES"
at this point i am moderately pissed off that she has somehow claimed rights to my fries, which were looking unhealthy and delicious. I am however very amused with the situation.
"BRING YOUR CAR AROUND FRONT" she tells me. "IM GOING TO THE BATHROOM." and whit that she begins to shuffle old woman steps towards the ladies room. I just smile and obey.
I drive her downtown and listen to her ramblings, which are often repetitive and quite insane. She talks about her grandson who is a lawyer who speaks spanish and therefore could live in mexico if he had to, and her landlord who doesnt vacuum her car anymore. Most of all she talks about her Saab, which she tries to sell me every 3 minutes while eating my fries and saying shes thirty.
I drop her off at the Brattleboro Library and she makes me stop in the middle of the road. The guy behind me honks twice before seeing the old woman step out.
Then as she got out of the car and stands up, she handed me the Mcdonalds bag saying. "HERE, YOU CAN HAVE MY FRIES."
Thats when she shuffled out of my life... forever.
current mood:  hungry
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 26th, 2005
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9:03 pm - sail'cloth' n.- canvas or other cloth for making sails
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at 6:00 this evening, after eating an exceptionally spicy cheeseburger i wondered if there was anything jalapenos could not improve
at 9:00 i decided goden grahams, definately golden grahams.
current mood:  creative
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, June 22nd, 2005
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9:41 pm - a good fried cabbage is mail bomb sent to your colon
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Tonight i prepared and ate a plate of nachos that made it into the very prestigious "top 5 best nacho platters I've eaten" The three cheeses and medium salsa were a nice touch with the sour cream and the olives offset the sliced jalapenos beautifully. The only thing keeping it from number one is that the cheese, while delicious, was not melted into a semi-liquid plasma like state.
Also, as i will no doubt be laid (woo) off (doh!) promptly after the fourth of july do to job cuts and family nepotism, i am planning out my month of boredom. Aside from watching five hours or animal planet and getting in a good 3 hours of masturbation, I will compile a list of everything I've wanted to learn or know about and research it. Feel free to post some suggestions. And don't say hygiene or woman crating, there already listed.
(by the by... if you spell hygiene "hygene" and spell check, the last suggested is "Hymen" ah ha ha ha ha ha ha pickles)
current mood: contemplative
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, June 18th, 2005
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8:00 pm - Dick flavored lollipops we truck em you suck em
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Another rough day at work... Being a naked cactus hugger isn't really working out. It pays real good, but in the end is it worth all the emotional trauma? I'd quit if i hadn't already punched a nice dickhole through one of the better cacti. It's clear sailing from here.
current mood: sore
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, June 17th, 2005
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8:57 pm - Dear Hedgehog that lives in my ass
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Yesterday was my first real day with my new employers Phantom Fireworks. It's a nice company to work for. I show up roughly on time, where almost anything i want ("no more thongs" -management), and i can take my break anytime (or forget and work 9 hours straight DIOS MIO!) The days however are excruciatingly long (like something else i know ((Charleston Chews.. I mean c'mon my jaw is tingling!)) ) Yesterday i went in at 10 and left around 8. Today however i only worked from 9-6, I've never felt so good about a nine hour day!!! Most of the work is sitting on my ass or cashing out little orders, but then sometimes i have to carry big boxes in excess of 100 pounds and stack them according to order and number 7 feet high.
Plus i got trained by this big guy Corey with salt and pepper hair and the laziest eye I've ever seen. What an interesting place! Fun, but bloody exhausting.
Well I'm getting 62 hours next week so if I don't die, I probably won't have time to write in this journal. So if not, I'll be thinking about you, cause i love you bitch!
current mood:  exhausted
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